Last month there was a boxing competition between a team from the USA and one from England. I was one of the coaches for the USA team. In the audience were family members of some of our fighters. During fights when the fighters I coach are not competing I like to go sit with their family members in the audience and talk to them. It’s very natural for even the most enthusiastic parents to feel nervous at a fight so I like to sit with them and make them more comfortable with the experience. Most of the time I just talk them through a round and tell them not to worry and how proud we are of their sons and daughters….I’m never sure if I’m helping out sometimes.
A few years back I had one mother who would actually grunt and scream “NO” each time her son got hit. By the end of the fight the entire crowd was grunting and screaming in unison with her each time her son got hit and everyone, including the referee, was laughing and having a great time with it. On another occasion I watched as the mothers of both the fighters in the ring actually hugged each other during the entire fight refusing to look up until after it was all over. To tell you the truth, these were some of the funniest moments I can remember but they are also some of the most precious. Despite the fact our fighters might have felt embarrassed…they also felt loved..and that’s never a bad thing.
Anyway, at one point in the evening I was sitting with a family of one of my fighters who had flown in from San Francisco to watch their son compete. Both the mother and father were very pleased their son had found something he really loved to do but, naturally, they were a little nervous to see him fight. As we sat talking I assured the mother that things would be fine but despite my efforts I could see she was worried in the way all moms are when they watch their children fight.
As we sat talking there was another fight going on and just then the American fighter was hit with a big punch that sent him crashing to the floor directly in front of us. Immediately the mother I was sitting with turned away and I locked eyes with the father and could see the concern on his face. After a few moments the bout continued and the mother turned back to me and with a nervous smile said “I’m sure you’re a very good coach so please promise me you will make sure my boy doesn’t get knocked down like that” I looked her deep in the eye and said “No Mamm I cannot promise your boy won’t ever get knocked down….but I will promise to teach him to get up if he does.” The moment was perfect and that instant I watched as her expression turn from one of worry and concern to one of gratitude and warmth. For the first time she understood what we were “really” teaching these kids and she was grateful. Before I left to go attend to their son and prepare him for his upcoming bout the mother hugged me and thanked me for being her sons coach.
People are always asking me “why boxing?” I’m always surprised they can’t see it. To me there are few better places in which to teach the virtues and principals of success than in the ring. Boxing is a perfect metaphor for life and the struggles we all face on our own hero’s journey. Life will knock us down and the ONLY thing anyone can really control is if you choose to get back up. Confucius said “our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall.“ If, after all the hard work, thats the only thing a kid gets from us then we’ve done our job.
Footnote: Last week our amateur boxing program received the largest single donation in our program’s history. It was from the family of the young man I sat with at the fight I described above. The gift was enormous, very appreciated and very much needed. Accompanying the donation was a beautiful note thanking me and my assistant coaches for what we are teaching their son…their note barely mentioned boxing at all!
The family making the donation wishes to remain anonymous, however, I just could not resist telling the story and sharing our gratitude and appreciation. It should also be noted that this particular family is not extremely “well-to-do” and while they are certainly not poor I’m quite sure that this was a stretch for them…making it all the more meaningful and important to me.
From the bottom of my heart I say thank you! … you know who you are!
Coach
